Can't catch those Zzz's

I forgot I had this account. I am not much of a blogger, so since I havent been here, I guess I should update this. Although only one person even knows about this account, and she already knows almost everything that happens in my life. But whatever, I suppose I shall write it all out anyways, perhaps it will help put me to sleep.

On Nov.19. 09 I left Nate, I took Aliza and moved back to my moms house. There were many reasons that I ended it, but the main reasons were that he was a bit neglectful of Aliza, and that worried me, and I was also insanely unhappy.
My unhappiness was causing me to sink into a depression, it got to the point that I couldnt sleep because all I did was stress. I had to start drugging myself to sleep. That right there is a major sign to me. I dont want to be that type of person. I am determined to live a full and happy life, so that I can be the best mother I can possibly be. Aliza deserves that.

Between the time I left and Jan. 01. 10, Nate only visited Aliza twice, although he had the option to every single day, and had nothing better to do. He didnt show to some visits that he had requested with her, and would later call me and simply say that he "didnt feel like it"

On Jan. 01. 10 Nate got arrested, he is being charged with attempted murder.
Whats been bugging me a lot is, if he is convicted, what will it be like for my daughter growing up. She deserves to have access to both parents. Also, what do I tell my baby girl when she asks where daddy is? I always want to be honest with her, but I dont want her going to school (when the time comes) and telling people that daddy is in prison. I also dont want her thinking that her daddy is a bad person. HE IS NOT A BAD PERSON, he just may have done a bad thing.
People keep giving me advice, but it doesnt put my mind at ease at all. My chest hurts and my heart hurts for what might be in store for my daughter.
I try not to stress over things that I cannot control, but this is my daughters father, and my daughters happiness at stake, I need to worry and think about it.


Other then that, life is absolutely fantastic. I have never been happier. I have wonderful friends and family who love me and are there for me. I dont know what I would do without them.
Well I guess that is all for now. Toodles